Threads of a Relationship - Broken

A: Hi, long time how have you been
B: Good. What about you.
…
…
…
…
A: Why are you being this way
B: Because I can’t think of behaving with you anyother way. What do u expect me to do.
A: Common yaar I haven’t done anything
B: May be that’s whats wrong. Figure it out yourself.


Conversation ends


How many times have you had such conversations with your friends? Where one person just doesn’t realize what’s wrong and the other can’t understand why “it” is wrong.

Below are my point of views on some of the common situations and reasons behind relationships falling apart.

Note:
1. The views expressed below are strictly mine.
2. Review and criticism are always welcomed
3. “He” will be henceforth be used in a general context referring to either of the sexes. Kindly don’t mail back saying that “women” can also be part of I.I.
4. Relationship is used in a generic sense not referring to the relationship between lovers only but also between friends/siblings etc.
5. The word you has been used very loosely, this is not to point fingers but if you feel that you fall in one of those categories then get to thinking.

How can he expect that for me
A relationship should be defined by similar expectations set for both the people involved. Never let anyone expect something from you that you are not willing to give. You may feel like “What can I do, he keeps having such unrealistic demands/expectations”, but no this you and only you are responsible for what kind of expectations an individual has from you. Although the inherent nature of a person - ‘Clingy’, ‘Detached’ etc- will be instrumental in what expectation he may want to set, its only you that are responsible for what expectations he sets

I know he did it for me but I don’t want to
Don’t ever let anyone do something for you that you wouldn’t be willing to do for him. It’s not fair for that individual to spend his heart doing something for you and later realize that you wouldn’t have done it for him. Always remember by letting someone do something for you, you give him a chance to raise his expectations from you.

I don’t care
If you have to ask yourself the question “Why should I care” then the thread will get strained and broken. Personally I believe that if such an occasion arises you should probably take active steps to make the other person understand that he should not expect you to care. That may be you are not the right person he should be coming back to and discussing. Give him the chance to find people who do care.

Hi, I need help.
If you call a person only when you need something, please stop. For all the times that he has been there for you, do him a favor. Don’t be a part of his life, if all you can add to it is your misery. If you can’t add to his happiness then the least you can do is not add to his baggage. Everyone has enough happening in his life to fill his quota of hardships.
That is not to say that you should not count on your friends, that you should not expect your friend to be the shoulder that you can cry on if needed be. Just that if someone is contributing towards the smile on your face, one should return the favor and add to the smile on his face.

Oh he started again
Never pretend to be listening. If you really care enough then sit there, but if you would rather run away tell the person that. Nothing can hurt more than realizing that the person you confided in never cared.

I just don’t have the time
Never make a person believe that you will give him more time than what you are willing to give. This contributes most to a strained relationship. If he is not on your priority list amongst the persons to attend to, don’t make him believe he is. Don’t tell him hey I was just thinking about calling you yesterday when his thought hasn’t registered in your mind for weeks.

Listen I can’t think of this now. [My career is important/I am not looking for a relationship right now etc]
Don’t ever tell a person that you don’t want to be with him now. Most of us know that “now” is not what is the problem. One of the worst things that you can do to another is to leave them with hopes when you don’t want a relationship. Do him a favor, tell him an outright “No, I don’t see us as lovers, I don’t want to be with you”. He’ll be hurt but it’ll give him a chance to find someone else and be happy. He may actually be a friend to you again someday.

I.I. – Idiots Incorporated
If you fell that you fall under the category of what I was refer as “he”, then you need help. Your own help. You need to talk to the person concerned, work out why the differences exist and bridge the gap by either reducing your expectation or increasing their commitment. Consensus can only be reached with communication. The biggest hurdle in a successful relationship is a communication gap. And if you believe that the person is still bluffing you, please move on. Life is beautiful and there are thousands of beautiful and genuine people out there. Don’t get stuck up on someone who can’t even tell you their true intentions about you.