Today I move on

I saw her standing there across the mall
thought I would go say hi
some time ago my best friend
now just a face in the crowd that I recognize

it won’t be awkward
I convinced myself
after all why should it be?

we’ll have so much to talk about
after all it’s been so long
I told myself

just then I saw my reason to fear
she was with her friends
surrounded by her new life and her new friends
she looked complete without needing me there

I gathered my wits and all my guts
and slowly moved towards her
determined to find my old friend
to find solace in our friendship again

I said hi and she replied excitedly
it’s been so long, she said
she excused herself from her friends
and choose to sit with me for coffee instead

happy, excited and a bit anxious
we chatted for a good hour
the wavelengths matched and so did the moods
but what did not were our lives

it had indeed been a long time
the more we spoke the more I realized
our lives didn’t intertwine anymore
We had each moved into a new realm of reality

the realization struck hard
it saddened me a bit
but then I realized I had been stuck too long
Today I finally move on…

What makes you happy?

What makes a person happy? What makes us want to smile? Most of us search our entire lives for that magic formula that adds self-contentment and zeal; transforming our existence into life.

Putting aside all the cliché answers, any true patron of the movie “Fight Club” would say that it can be anything that makes you tick. As Tyler Durden taught us, there is no limitation on the outlandish nature of our mood controller. For the uninitiated, Tyler got kicks out of ‘selling rich women their fat [that they got removed through liposuction] back as soaps’, ‘fucking Marla till the end of eternity’ and ‘venting out his frustration by fighting’. Strange as it may sound to some; but these things kept him happy. These things ensured that when he got up he had a smile on his face and looked forward to each day like it was his last; consequently living it to the fullest.

Though there are some basic needs that all humans have [e.g. the need for sex], there is one cliché that holds true for most of us – ‘You are unique, just like everyone else’. Each of us have some uniqueness in what drives us, what keeps us happy and what motivates us to do the unimaginable. For ages countless studies have been done to try and decipher what makes someone be him or her. But most if not all have resulted in inadequate conclusions. The sole reasoning behind this, in my mind, is the fact that nobody except the individual can decipher what makes him/her happy.

Friends and family are just travelers who stand beside you to provide any help if needed be, but only an individual himself can figure out the reasoning behind his grieving nature. A forward I read stated that “Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full ofgarbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it. And if you let them, they'll dump it on you.” That choice also remains with you.

Most of us spend our time just putting the pieces of our lives together. Trying hard and hoping that someday it’ll make the beautiful picture that we dream of. But just putting the pieces together will never make them stay in place; we need a glue to keep it together. And no one else can provide that to us. Spouses can help us put the glue in the right places, but the glue needs to come from us. This glue is the magic formula that we look for, the list of things that’ll make us happy. Well learning this magic should be the easiest thing in the world especially considering that the spell is within us, we only have to cast it and it has to be casted on us.

But we’re humans and not magicians. We can’t just cast a spell and make everything in our lives fine. Yet, I have chosen to take small steps. Discover things that make me happy. Every day I want to give myself at least one reason to look forward to the next day. It’s not to say I’ll leave aside all planning for a long beautiful life but I need to give myself reasons to ‘live’ it that long. A mere existence for 70 years carries little with it except pain and grief.

Some Quotes I live by

Law of the Garbage Truck - Unknown
Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it. And if you let them, they'll dump it on you.

Strong and bitter words indicate a weak cause - Unknown

The curtain is lifting. We can have triumph, or tragedy, for we are the play-wrights, the actors and the audience. Let us book our seats for triumph. Theworld is sickened of tragedy.
- John Macauley, Chairman, League of Red Cross, accepting Nobel Peace Prize

Go Out

GO OUT ...

"Damn, I feel like dancing". Most of us associate the want of dancing with happiness. Whenever we are blessed with a reason to add more curves to our smile, we feel the urge to share the happiness. In an internet survey, 8 out of every 10 people have similar events happening to them after this feeling. They go to share their happiness with someone, and invariably that person has something to crib about and blows out their bubble of happiness. How many times has this happened to each of us, all of a sudden we are forced to crash from cloud # 9 flat down to the ground reality of someone else's sadness.

So what do the remaining 2 people do differently? Are the just lucky or are they loved more by the almighty lord. Well though luck sometimes helps us select the right people, to make the correct selection all the time we need to change our thoughts. Those 2 people choose to be happy; they choose to share their happiness with someone who they know will either join them in dance or ask them to come for bungee jumping to celebrate. These are the people who are able to either share your happiness or help elevate you to a higher level of ecstasy. All of us have a big bag of eclectic selection to pick from - our collection of friends - but invariably we choose to select from a very limited set. We constrict our choices to those who we believe should be performing a certain role in our lives. And we may not always be lucky enough to find people who match our hopes. So what do we do then, do we persists with the same hope and often suffer the same disappointment. According to me, the answer to that is " F$#K%$G HELL NO".

GO OUT and you'll be surprised. Explore around, talk to people who you haven't bothered speaking with. Call up an old friend, step out of the normal conversation that you share with a current friend. Don't let your friendship become mundane by the same type of conversation; give him/her and yourself a surprise. Discuss something new; grow your friendship by exploring the new avenues. You may find that there is a lot more common between you and your friend(s). Sometimes we need our relationship with people to be resurrected. Whether you let a friend ferment for sometime [Give space to each other to think] or actively add vigor and spice to give birth to a new equations [Between old friends or with new friends]. Don't let yourself and others ever get bogged down with petty issues, there are 6 billion+ people in this world and you can surely find 10 friends for yourself. And just maybe 1 or 2 [More if you're lucky] of them who will be the ones' asking you to dance for the rest of your life.

Threads of a Relationship - Broken

A: Hi, long time how have you been
B: Good. What about you.
…
…
…
…
A: Why are you being this way
B: Because I can’t think of behaving with you anyother way. What do u expect me to do.
A: Common yaar I haven’t done anything
B: May be that’s whats wrong. Figure it out yourself.


Conversation ends


How many times have you had such conversations with your friends? Where one person just doesn’t realize what’s wrong and the other can’t understand why “it” is wrong.

Below are my point of views on some of the common situations and reasons behind relationships falling apart.

Note:
1. The views expressed below are strictly mine.
2. Review and criticism are always welcomed
3. “He” will be henceforth be used in a general context referring to either of the sexes. Kindly don’t mail back saying that “women” can also be part of I.I.
4. Relationship is used in a generic sense not referring to the relationship between lovers only but also between friends/siblings etc.
5. The word you has been used very loosely, this is not to point fingers but if you feel that you fall in one of those categories then get to thinking.

How can he expect that for me
A relationship should be defined by similar expectations set for both the people involved. Never let anyone expect something from you that you are not willing to give. You may feel like “What can I do, he keeps having such unrealistic demands/expectations”, but no this you and only you are responsible for what kind of expectations an individual has from you. Although the inherent nature of a person - ‘Clingy’, ‘Detached’ etc- will be instrumental in what expectation he may want to set, its only you that are responsible for what expectations he sets

I know he did it for me but I don’t want to
Don’t ever let anyone do something for you that you wouldn’t be willing to do for him. It’s not fair for that individual to spend his heart doing something for you and later realize that you wouldn’t have done it for him. Always remember by letting someone do something for you, you give him a chance to raise his expectations from you.

I don’t care
If you have to ask yourself the question “Why should I care” then the thread will get strained and broken. Personally I believe that if such an occasion arises you should probably take active steps to make the other person understand that he should not expect you to care. That may be you are not the right person he should be coming back to and discussing. Give him the chance to find people who do care.

Hi, I need help.
If you call a person only when you need something, please stop. For all the times that he has been there for you, do him a favor. Don’t be a part of his life, if all you can add to it is your misery. If you can’t add to his happiness then the least you can do is not add to his baggage. Everyone has enough happening in his life to fill his quota of hardships.
That is not to say that you should not count on your friends, that you should not expect your friend to be the shoulder that you can cry on if needed be. Just that if someone is contributing towards the smile on your face, one should return the favor and add to the smile on his face.

Oh he started again
Never pretend to be listening. If you really care enough then sit there, but if you would rather run away tell the person that. Nothing can hurt more than realizing that the person you confided in never cared.

I just don’t have the time
Never make a person believe that you will give him more time than what you are willing to give. This contributes most to a strained relationship. If he is not on your priority list amongst the persons to attend to, don’t make him believe he is. Don’t tell him hey I was just thinking about calling you yesterday when his thought hasn’t registered in your mind for weeks.

Listen I can’t think of this now. [My career is important/I am not looking for a relationship right now etc]
Don’t ever tell a person that you don’t want to be with him now. Most of us know that “now” is not what is the problem. One of the worst things that you can do to another is to leave them with hopes when you don’t want a relationship. Do him a favor, tell him an outright “No, I don’t see us as lovers, I don’t want to be with you”. He’ll be hurt but it’ll give him a chance to find someone else and be happy. He may actually be a friend to you again someday.

I.I. – Idiots Incorporated
If you fell that you fall under the category of what I was refer as “he”, then you need help. Your own help. You need to talk to the person concerned, work out why the differences exist and bridge the gap by either reducing your expectation or increasing their commitment. Consensus can only be reached with communication. The biggest hurdle in a successful relationship is a communication gap. And if you believe that the person is still bluffing you, please move on. Life is beautiful and there are thousands of beautiful and genuine people out there. Don’t get stuck up on someone who can’t even tell you their true intentions about you.

Convicted by the Media

“A mockery of justice”, “Guilty escape with minor punishment”, these were the headlines of various news articles when Alistair Pereira was given a jail sentence of 6 months.

Today’s media has taken upon itself the task of convicting the accused. I am not qualified to give judgment on whether Alistair is guilty or not, but I don’t think the media is qualified either. It had pronounced judgment even before the courts did.

In its endeavor to be the voice of the people, it has become a criminal itself. Its crime is to assassinate the responsibilities associated with journalism. Today it doesn’t showcase what the masses believe in but instead forces its opinion down the throat of the masses. I would like to highlight some of the latest breaking news showcased by various news channels, which showcase the hypocritical nature of the media houses.

Narayan Murthy dishonoring the country. Now, here is a son of India who has arguably brought more dignity to his motherland in the International arena than any other Indian. And I say this with all due respects to the Tatas, Birlas, and other great Indians like Mother Teresa etc. The media had pronounced judgment on his patriotism without any regards to the man himself. And for what? For following an international norm. Take any sport (Football, Formula 1 etc), it is always the instrumental version of the nation anthem that is played. They went on tarnishing his image and saying how he was not fit for the post for President of India. Not withstanding the fact that I believe he would be one of the best candidates for the job, they didn’t even care to showcase the fact that he didn’t want the post in the first place.

Another story making headlines in the recent past is been the state of Indian cricket. The media has done a 360 - from accusing the players of a lack of commitment, to blaming Greg Chappel for not understanding the Indian crickets’ needs and most recently calling the BCCI a bully. Nobody seems to be doing their job except the media. Maybe if the media had not been so judgmental in their approach, they could have actually helped the BCCI and the Indian masses discover what the actual problem is.

The list goes on and on. From the Gujrat “Fake” encounter case, involving IPS officer Vanzara, to blaming the government for hiding details about Naxal activities. It’s just so appalling.

Some of the people may argue that only the outcry in media resulted in the justice for Priyadarshini Matoo. That media was responsible for Subash getting aid. Lets take each of the cases individually.

Priyadarshini Matoo’s case showcased the loopholes present in our judiciary system. But is the media competent enough to plug those loopholes, I think not. The media is an important pillar of our democratic system. Even then, it should not try and interfere in the running of the other pillars. The judiciary and the executive are independent bodies, and that independence needs to be respected. The media cannot take on itself to be the monitor over both the judiciary and the executive. Otherwise we will reach a state of anarchy where there is nobody to monitor the media.

As far as the plight of 5 year old Subash is concerned. There are hundreds of Subashes that die everyday. I don’t believe that the media would have bothered highlighting his plight if they can any other “breaking” news to show. It was just because they had nothing else to fill into their airtime did they bother being so thoughtful. The day these media houses care enough to devote airtime to Subash on a packed news day is when I will bow before them in respect.

Very recently some of the responsible journalist have acknowledge that the media is becoming more and more irresponsible everyday. But sadly most of the journalists just don’t care. TRP and exclusive breaking news seems to be the order of the day. And all this hype and competition has resulted in is the death of responsible journalism.

It’s my sincere request, to the media houses running these news channels, get a life. Learn the responsibility associated with the job of a journalist and spare us from your opinions.

Note: The above passage is strictly the opinion of the author, namely me.